I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
