i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
