I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
