The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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