My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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