Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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