I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
