Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
