i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Randomize
