Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
