Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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