He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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