i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
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