He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
We need to rekindle our bromance
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
