I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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