We're facebook friends in real life
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
