Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
