entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
