At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Randomize
