I'm lost and stupid without you.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
