My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
