i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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