3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
We are all done wearing pants today
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
