i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
