I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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