Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
