Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize