I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
