What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize