Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Come share oat with me in your robe
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
