everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
