i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
