either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
