Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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