My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
