my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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