she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
