You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
