Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
