I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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