I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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