shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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