You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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