singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
