New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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