was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
