U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
