Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
