watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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