i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
