he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
