He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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