I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
