Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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