??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
a search helicopter?!
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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