May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
