I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
