You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
