Where is the hickey?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
she told me i tasted like america
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
