I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
