Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
