and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
