Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
