hotel room ftw
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
