I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
