Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
