we have officially lost it.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!