Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance