Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
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The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
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If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?