I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
