New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.